|
Post by thegwopla on Jun 7, 2012 11:47:26 GMT 10
Won 8-0 v North Rocks
Could this be !! letting the old guys play in the rain, the smell of wet leather Torches and Gold Cups came flooding back to me, I couldn’t wait to get onto to the field before the Council came out and closed the ground.
Last week I went to the cross bar challenge and this week I went and watched Chu v Nofrocks goal post challenge and it wasn’t long before before Chu went a few ahead. With Barge Arse, Carl Barron and the Golden Forehead all hitting the post, followed up with the Corgi hitting the cross bar, Yul and Fabio missing from 1 mm out, I thought this is not going to be Chu’s day.
With rain tumbling and the Corgis little legs pumping a fine pass found the Forehead for another miss. Constant pressure saw shots, headers from the Fox and Yul cleared off the line. Nestle and Fabio found field 1 with more efforts and then finally. A corner from Bargey found Carl who headed back across goal and even though it was over the line the Golden Forehead living up to his nickname made sure and headed it further over the line for a 1 nil lead.
What a sight when the geri’s walked off the field at half time in their white jerseys, was it an old mans wet tea shirt competition ? No ! they looked like a dozen boiled eggs with 2 elastic bands around them on legs. On walked the bum nuts for the 2nd half and it wasn’t long before Chu grabbed their 2nd when a lovely left foot shot from Bargy bounced off the cross bar to Nestle, with the Kookaburra’s shitting themselves he let fly but kept it low for Chu’s 2nd and the joys of the birds could be heard around the ground. A foray down the left with Fabio and Dorothy found Carl Barron who hit a great volley to get number 3.
Nofrocks were trying get Chu on the break but the Eel (Brian) remember it was wet, Beckanbessie, Bruce Lee (Ray) and Scotty Wilberry were as solid as a man on laxatives. Edgar Davids in goals forgot his goggles and his gps was a little out in the rain but he still pulled of a fantastic save to stop the ball hitting the corner flag. A nice ball through from Carl found the Forehead on his way to goal, in his best drunk man impersonation he crawled around the keeper and swept the ball into the net with a side kick. Another attack on Chu goal was thwarted by fine defence from the Maltese lothario who then put his melon in the way of a dangerous corner, maybe he was just trying to impress the new cook that he acquired the other week while he was away.
Fantastic build up from Beckanbessie, Scotty Wilberry and Fabio found Bargey who shimmied and shammied then found the Forehead with a nice back heel he passed to Bargey who slammed it in off the post for Chu’s 5th. Mark Wilberry and his bottle of super juice was now in full coaching mode and it wasn’t long before the big decision was made. Off went Bargey and on came Billy Bremner (Jacko) and it wasn’t long before the wee man was in the thick of the action earning himself a yellow card for being a naughty little boy. Good interchange play from Yul and Dorothy who had finally lost his pigeons saw Nestle on his way to goal and with a neat outside foot finish he beat the keeper for number 6.
A good ball from the Corgi saw Carl go down the line and his cross saw the keeper bundle the ball over line under pressure from Dorothy for number 7. Billy was again in the thick of the action earning the ire of the referee for a disgusting tackle on himself. Mark Wilberry in consultation with Steve Austin (Neil) who they now have spent $2.24 of their $6 million allotment decided it was time to give Billy a rest before the referee did. It wasn’t long before Chu had number 8 when Fabio straight from the set of Puberty Blues played a neat one two with the oppositions keeper and then slammed it home from 1 metre out.
All in all it was a very good performance from the boys beating Nofrocks 8-0 in the game and 8-0 in the goal post challenge.
|
|
|
Post by thegwopla on Jun 19, 2012 13:31:26 GMT 10
Won 4-0 v Winston Hills white
The mighty green machine turned up to Max Ruddock to take on the Winsto whites, with an early kick off due to supper being scheduled for 5.00pm there were a few of the old green guys missing. The others waddled onto the field with nipples erect in the cool breeze.
Chu gained the ascendency as it wasn’t long before they started peppering the Winsto goal and no one was safe. Kids in the cricket nets went scurrying for their lives, the houses on Caroline Chisholm Drive bunkered down under the bombardment of soccer balls as The Golden Forehead (Guy), Nestle (Scott R) and Fabio (Rob) launched raid after raid. After 15 minutes Billy Bremner had enough and sent on ol Haystacks Calhoun (Johno), a nice pass from Nestle found Haystacks who turned and glided past 1, glided past 2 then unleashed an MGM-134 Midgetman (missile) which rocketed into the back of the net. This did however upset the Redback spider colony perusing their afternoon lunch that were not happy at all and presided to give Haystacks all 8 birds.
The Snake slithered into the attack and the Corgi was chomping at the bit to get forward in attack. The Maltese lothario was as strong as a 12 hour dance party’s B O while the Wilberry’s back together for the first time in a number of weeks performed as any seasoned rockers would, slowly. Again Chu went forward with the Fox missing a header from 1 mm out, followed up by Nestle’s missed open header and a couple of missed chances to the Forehead all warranted votes for the Buck. Finally with the Forehead doing his best worm impersonation the ball fell to Haystacks who hit a SA-X-21Growler (missile) from 1 metre out to take the score to 2-0.
Half time brought the cheery bunch together, a stirring rendition of Tara Bulba from Yul and Billy had the old codgers ready for the 2nd half. It was pretty much the same with the green machine on the attack Steve Austin (Neil) was more mobile that the $113.74 rebuilding program would suggest while Scotty Wilberry was in full band mode conducting from the back. Stevey Wonder in goals was as bored as bat edgar pulled up stumps against the post and read the full series of Pride and Prejudice.
Billy (Jacko) then entered the frey and will a ball on a string he reminded me of ol Ginger Tompkins, Bruce Lee (Ray) the famous number 3 from Hong Kong was venturing forward and it wasn’t long before he joined the others and shanked one over the bar from a metre out. Beckanbessie was as safe as an unlocked house in Shalvey while Dorothy was doing donuts in the mud. Mark Wilberry full of a few weeks super juice beat 1 then 2 then 3 then 4 would he stop before the side line and end up on field 2 ?, well the answer was yes as he smashed the ball past the willing keeper.
A nice ball through from the Corgi found the Golden Forehead who shrossed (shot + cross) the ball to Dorothy who faced it into the open goal for Chu’s 4th. Another fine victory for the nipple erect old codgers who trudged off the fileld to the waiting esky’s.
|
|
|
Post by thegwopla on Jul 3, 2012 11:24:27 GMT 10
Won 4-0 v Lidcome Waratahs
The green machine collected their passports to head over the border to down town Lidcome, flights were delayed, roads were closed but everyone managed to get there right on kick off. Looking into the distance the all red reminded me of the old Liverpool days, was Kenny Daglish making a come back ?. Upon kick off I realised it was just a dream and could hear the music in the back ground it was duelling Banjo’s at full roar.
Chu started a bit slow and the Clampetts went on the attack which was thwarted by Helen Keller (Granto) in goal. The Clampetts were getting a tad feisty and this may explain the lack of teeth amongst the defensive 5. After the early scare Chu started to take control and it was wave after wave of attack as the trophy hunters narrowed in on their prey. After 20 minutes the Waratahs goal had more hits than Marilyn Chambers chin and then finally it came. A run down the right by Carl Barron who chipped the ball over to Dorothy who headed the ball into the net for Chu’s first. More misses by Bargey, Yul, Nestle, Carl Barron the Golden Foreherad and the Fox who now had the canteen lady scampering for protection from the leather missiles.
Yet another corner, this time it was whipped over by Fabio, Bargey threw the old dummy although that wouldn’t of been hard for him which was then smashed by Dorothy off Jed Clampetts leg into the goal for a 2-0 lead. Yul sent the Corgi on his way down the line with his little legs pumping he looked like Michael Jackson moon walking on a travelator, then it happened just as the Corgi was about to cross the ball one of the locals pulled out the old Bazooka (remember we were in Lidcome and Bazookas are a dime a dozen as are Ouzies) and boomshanka the Corgi was was blown off his feet much to the joy of his team mates and Jennifer Buck.
Soul Patterson (Mark) , Scotty Wilberry and Picasso (Brendan) were as solid as a dog eating prunes while the Snake and Fabio were causing problems down the left. The referee then had enough and blew the whistle to give the old fogies a break. Words of encouragement from Billy Bremner (Jacko), Bruce Lee (Ray) and February the 14th (Valentine) had the old boilers pumped when they went back on the field. Although Geeves was very cranky as he still couldn’t find a parking spot.
More attacking from Chu was finally rewarded when the Silver Fox met the ball with a lovely header to take Chu to a 3-0 lead. Steve Austin was threatening when he came forward and on one of these forays the $153.70 they had spent came crashing down, but they can rebuild him came the cry.
Again Chu went forward with Golden Forehead, Carl Barron , Nestle and the Fox all missing, in fact there were more misses than an Arab Shiek’s harem , finally the Fox put away number 4 with a calm finish that would of done Yul proud. The mighty green machine had ventured into town deliverance and returned with the spoils.
|
|
|
Post by thegwopla on Jul 23, 2012 9:46:12 GMT 10
v Baulham Hills won 5-1
The Gwopla has just perused the games on livestreamingcrapfootball.com while enjoying a fine holiday in down town Phuket, pronounced Foo-ket in Thailand not as one would pronounce it in Orstralia.
On arriving with little luggage including my studded speedo’s with the studs on the inside I slipped the studleys on and headed out to find a lovely banana lounge around the pool. It wasn’t long before I located the local pool boy Noimnotputtingyafeckinsuncreenon and asked him to lather me up with 50 plus. Upon my 8th Tequilla Sunrise I realised “hey the old boys had kicked off” I called out to Noimnotputtingyafeckinsunscreenon who dually brought me a fine ultra thin Samsung G 181 flat screen, coffee making, solar panelled tablet. On I connected and there they were the Geri’s in full flight.
Baulko were on top early and it wasn’t long before Mr Magoo (Granto) slotted Baulko’s 1st with a nice back heel that would have done Fred Astaire proud. Chu were coming more into the game and it wasn’t long before they got their reply when Carl Barron chipped the keeper from the edge of the box. Chu pressed forward, a bit like Spartacus when he saw the nudist beach. Carl Barron then fooled everyone when his shross floated inside the far post to take Chu to a 2-1 lead. During the half time break it was time for the old Gwopla to partake in yet another cocktail, with a fantastic display of flys eyes the old Gwopla headed off to the bar.
The 2nd half kicked off with the tackles flying in thick and fast, again Chu were putting pressure on Baulko then this pressure told when Carl Barron whipped over a lovely cross which was turned in by the Baulko defender who yelled “1 all Magoo” Baulko were putting pressure on Chu who were countering on the break. A great ball found the Fox who as calm as a swimmer on Stilnox found the back of the net to take the score to 4-1. A solid challenge on Carl gave Chu a free kick near half way, up stepped Bargey who put plenty of cellulite into his shot as he watched sail over everyone’s head into the goal for a 5-1 lead, and that’s where it ended as the screen became blurry. Was it the reception or was it the dozen cocktails that the Gwopla had consumed in the 50 degree heat.
On waking the next day the Gwopla spent the first few hours looking for the Camel that stomped on his head and crapped in his mouth however not to be outdone by the grog monster there was a happy hour at Hepatitis Harry’s Juice and Loose Bar. A few coldies and the Gwopla was as happy as an 8 legged frog in Paris at dinner time although he did have 6 days to wait until the mighty green machine would be back on the screen.
v Greystanes won 10-0
The Gwopla woke in anticipation, 7 hours before his beloved Chu were kicking off, there was plenty of time to sample the sights and delights of the local area and be back for a few cocktails around the pool to watch the big game. The Gwopla was rudely woken by the pool boy Noimnotputtingyafeckinsunscreenon it was 2.00am in the morning, what had happened ? how did I get there ? Flashes started shooting into Gwoplas mind, dancing on tables, ping pong, playing drinking games, walking the beach in my studleys with flys eyes and a big Bob Marley in my north and south but worst of all I had missed the old codgers game. So I did what any man would do and ordered another beer, Noimnotputtingyafeckinsunscreenon came over with my beer and tried to cheer up a shattered Gwopla. Neber worri said Noimnotputtingyafeckinsunscreenon I watch a whole game and it was a chit. Then it hit me I could get a match report off Noimnotputtingyafeckinsunscreenon.
Noimnotputtingyafeckinsunscreenon started, game chit, phat mans in white running round old men wiff no teeth, phat man wit beer kick a ball wiff toe into goal. Next man with hair like girl him kicka ball ina goal ina goalies legs. Numba free looka like Bwuce Lee he slide ina goal, man from back come up to take a kick, goalie miss he chit. Cranky small man he hita ball on head and geta goal.
Both teams have rest, Noimnotputtingyafeckinsunscreenon go and have drink and cum bak .
Phat man kick a ball goalie miss, he chit. Man fall down velly hard, velly old man get a free shoot for goal. Cranky man wiff no hair kick a ball, goalie miss, he chit. Phat man kick a ball, velly velly old man fall ower on his back, ball hit him ina leg go ina goal. People ona sidewine say that was justa like a tuk tuk. Phat man have another shoot same as before he get another score. I need special Thai counting machine worse than dish number 69 at uncle Foodiscrapbutibuy’s takeaway. Ahh Noimnotputtingyafeckinsunscreenon velly tired now, time for bed have to get up velly early to clean pool.
|
|
|
Post by thegwopla on Aug 3, 2012 11:24:53 GMT 10
v Pendo Black won 3-1
With the old wrinklies going gang busters the Gwopla decided to stay and extra week to hang out with his good friend Noimnotputtinyourfeckinsunscreeon . Noimnotputtinyourfeckinsunscreeon enjoyed his foray into sports journalism and decided to carry on with another rap up via livestreamingcrapfootball.com.au. The Gwopla thought he was in heaven lying back drinking beers, sipping cocktails, eating seafood, getting others sipping his cocktail that he made up as he was now part of the resort. Noimnotputtinyourfeckinsunscreeon and Gwopla had become so close Noimnotputtinyourfeckinsunscreeon took Gwopla home to meet a couple of his wives, vis one for cleaning, vis one for cooking , vis one for cowecting gwocewies. All this on a pool boys wage thought Gwopla.
Any way Gwopla and Noimnotputtinyourfeckinsunscreeon headed back to the resort as they had to log on and watch the top of the table clash. Gwopla found himself a nice banana lounge under a tree near the pool and ordered a Long Island Iced Tea. Noimnotputtinyourfeckinsunscreeon grabbed the slimline samslung b 52 slice and dice ped and tuned in. Go for it said Gwopla who was getting a massage under the tree.
Game a kick off big yellow man play a white and green man, white and green man kicking a ball better. Big yellow man kicking ball velly hard and far like uncle Ijustgotoutajailforgrowingopium’s elephant in a village. Cranky man kicka to phat man, phat man kicka ina goal, goalie chit to give a phat man a score. Green and white mans velly pretty , big yellow mans nota happy. Bigga kick like Ijustgotoutajailforgrowingopium’s elephant in village hita big yellow man on head , nother yellow man fast zoom zoom like velly fast Tuk Tuk kicka past goalie, this goalie velly chit, make game same. Nother kicka from cranky man hitta velly tall man who looka like ostrich ina leg go ina goal for nudder score ahh Noimnotputtinyourfeckinsunscreeon need a drink to cool down. Noimnotputtinyourfeckinsunscreeon look over at Gwopla who look like a circus tent with pool towel velly must enjoy massage thought Noimnotputtinyourfeckinsunscreeon.
Game a kick off with nice white and green mans kicking softly, big yellow mans still kicking velly hard and big, green and white mans looka like they on holiday at resort wiff Gwopla and Noimnotputtinyourfeckinsunscreeon. Some mans kicka ball into trees to scare birds just like cousin Ufhuk who shoota birds wiffa big rock and spring to stop them coming and eating his wice. Ufhuk not ahappy when birds come steal hisa wice, sometimes he say sum bad words which isa not good for little Ufhuk .But little Ufhuk nota bad kid he only steal sumtimes when he velly velly hungie and he has gota no phunny gween plant left. I fink Ufhuk make a good gardener at resort as he does a velly velly good time making small plants grow fast and looka like forest.
White and greens mans keepa kicking ball cranky man getta ball zoom zoom downa field he looka like a Tuk Tuk in peak hour in Phuket . Hisa little legs keepa wunning and kicking and the he kicka ina goal, dats a long way thought Noimnotputtinyourfeckinsunscreeon. Some more kicks from both mans but now velly velly chit Noimnotputtinyourfeckinsunscreeon tired and still have to cleana pool. Hava look for Gwopla hea snoring looka like a massage was velly velly good.
|
|